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“The degeneration of a smile”
The smile fades,
the tension in my jaw relaxes,
and the light that radiated from my eyes flickers
As the smile disappears,
and as it is replaced with stoicism,
I lose whatever feeling of love that I had,
instead feeling dirty with the filth of shame
The shame seems too strong,
like it's taking over,
and there isn't any way to alleviate this pain
But this isn't what I wanted,
I didn't think this would happen,
I know that there was something wrong,
but I thought it was something that you had done
I didn't think I was to blame,
I don't think anyone ever does,
placing the blame on someone else is so easy,
but introspection and self discipline is impossible
There's nothing I can say,
no way to put it in words,
I think the expression on my face says it all
There's just nothing left inside me,
you burned it down when you left,
leaving the ashes to be remembered,
celebrated as the only thing I have
But having nothing isn't so bad,
it's better than reliving the losing,
doomed to feel that pain again every minute
And I am left alone again,
the way I was before all of this,
the state I should have resigned myself to stay in,
if I was smart I would from now on
And I'm reminded of something,
someone wrote who felt like this,
I think it's the most poignant thing I can think of:
"Those who say it's better
to have loved and lost
are obviously the ones
love has never double crossed"
These are words to live by,
a mantra that will be echoed through time,
by everyone who's smarter than me
For I am stupid,
and I'm bound to forget this lesson I learned,
and I'll walk into another situation just like this one,
enraptured by the myth so I'll forget the harsh reality awaiting me at the end
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