The Actress and her Follies



I was awakened promptly at the minute of half past seven in the morning. It was half an hour earlier than I rose the other six days of the week, but it was Tuesday, which meant that I had to be up earlier in order to survey the removal of the trash by the sanitation crew. They were known to abuse their power over my refuse, and I was determined to make sure it did not happen again. The stern lectures that I had given to them previous had no affect on them, so I had told them that I would be watching from now on. They scoffed, but I showed them that I was serious when I presented myself to them on the lawn the next week. They didn’t know how to deal with it, and I had to direct them as to the proper way to dispose of the rubbish. They didn’t seem to be appreciative of my knowledge. “Ungrateful brutes,” I said under my breath many times. The world had devolved into such a mess, and it seemed like I was the only one left who knew the proper way of life. It saddened me that this was the case, as the proper way was so much better than whatever we were in now. No one knows their place anymore. It’s a shame that so many people are obsessed with success, and with fame. It only leads to an unhealthy obsession with trivial matters, and it leaves less time for the appreciation of the truly important people; namely me.

I made sure that I was presenting as proper appearance as I walked out the door, and stood on the front stoop of my townhouse. I checked my gold Rolex for the time. The rubbish men should arrive in three minutes, if they’re on schedule that is, which they never are. That was another of the problems with this new society; no one gives any care to punctuality. There was a time that if you were late, you would be scolded harshly, or left out of whatever it was you were late for. But today, being late was the same as being on time. It all started with the derision of terms ending in –ish. They were what the problem was. If a specific time of arrival was never mentioned, there was no force driving the person to be on time. It was no surprise that nothing ever got done anymore; there were no deadlines to be met. People work best under the pressure of time constraints, and if there were no constraints, there would be no productive work done.

It was three minutes past the normal arrival time when the rubbish men pulled their disgustingly unclean truck in front of the house. It was as though, because they dealt with the unclean, they felt no compulsion to wash the overriding filth off the truck. Appearances, even in that business, were still important.

“It seems,” I started. “It seems that we have a problem here. You are late.”

“What’s the problem? We’re here, aren’t we?”

“Yes. You are here, but you are not here when you were supposed to be here.”

“It doesn’t make a difference. It still gets done.”

“You’re missing the point.”

“No, I’m not trying to hit it. I’m just trying to do my bloody job. I don’t need some uptight wanker telling me how to do it.”

“My heavens. Did you just speak to me in such vulgar terms?”

“What? I told a wanker that he’s a wanker. There’s no fault in that.”

“I dare say you’re wrong about that. That is the language of savages, not civilized men. I would hope that you could control yourself, and pick better terms when you speak.”

“I beg your forgiveness, sir. I meant to say that I don’t need any bloody wanker telling me how to do me job.”

“Why I never….” I was beginning to turn a slight shade of red. My hands were starting the faintest traces of a tremor. I took a deep breath and tried to compose myself. “I don’t need to take that kind of abuse from you. Your supervisor will surely hear from me about this.”

“Go ahead and tell ‘im. He’ll laugh his ass off.”

They were beginning to leave, getting on the truck, the mouthy one with his hand ready to slap the side of the truck.

“Just hold on a minute. If you’re going to say such vile things to me, you must at least pick up that large piece of rubbish some lower class kind left in front of my house.”

“T’ain’t no trash. It’s a body.”

“A body?”

“Yup. It looks like a dead woman. Hard to tell though, she’s face down in the sewer drain.”

“How fitting for someone who would turn up dead.”

“It’s your problem. We don’t pick up bodies.”

“Of course you don’t. You don’t pick up anything.”

“I heard that, wanker.”

“Be gone.”

I stepped off of the stoop, shuffled down the still dew covered walk, and hunched over the street. Sure enough, face down in the sewer drain, was the body of a young girl. She appeared to be in her early twenties, wearing a frock of the cheapest and coarsest material. She was quite the hideous figure from the back. Not wanting to see if the front could match, or surpass the quality I had seen of the woman already, I decided to let the inspectors deal with the body.



****



Inside the house, the phone rang three times before it was answered.

“Scotland Yard. Inspector Arliss speaking.”

“Arliss my friend, it’s Casey.”

“Dear lord. I mean, hello there. What’s on your mind?”

“Nothing much, just a mere triviality. There’s a dead body in front of my house, and I need someone to dispose of it.”

“A dead body? Are you sure?”

“Well, I didn’t dare touch it, but I can assure you that it’s most definitely dead.”

“We’ll have to investigate this.”

“I know you will. Will you see this one through? I can’t bear to think of having to deal with talking to any of the other inspectors down there.”

“I don’t think any of them would let anyone but me do this one.”

“I had almost forgotten about their resentment.”

“It’s not resentment. It’s pure hate.”

“Hate is the same thing as jealousy. And that’s exactly what those people are, they’re jealous of me. And why? For such a silly thing as being given talents far superior to theirs?”

“Trust me when I say this; it’s not because you’re talented. It’s because you let them know it so well. And so often.”

“It’s no good for them to be ignorant. They need to know. It’s for their own good.”

“Can we postpone this conversation until I get there. We need to get this investigation going.”

“Surely not. The body can wait. The dead girl is dead. She can surely wait a few more moments. Sometimes, you amaze me with your procedure.”

“Good bye Casey. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“But….” I was cut off. The unsophisticated brute had cut me off. And right when I was in the middle of telling him what was wrong with his fellow inspectors. It was things like that that were the problem. He was going to hear about it doubly strong now. There was no denying it; he was being corrupted by the lot of oafs that populated the Yard.



****



Knowing that there were visitors due to arrive, I needed to safeguard the house. The inspectors were a clumsy lot, and they didn’t have much care for the fragile decor that was my fancy. The bulls would run rampant through the house, leaving a wake of destruction and fine china that would be insufferable. I wasn’t going to let any of my items be damaged, as they were all worth far more than any of the people who would destroy them.

Promptness was never a strong suit of Arliss, and he arrived as usual, ten minutes late.

“That was poor Arliss. Ten minutes too long by my watch.”

“What are you talking about? I didn’t say it would take me a definite amount of time.”

“True, but I’ve timed how long it takes to get from the Yard to here, and it takes ten minutes less than what it took you.”

“Give it a rest, will you Casey? You’re the only person who gives a crumpet when we get here.”

“That may be so, but I shouldn’t be. That’s one of the problems with you people.”

“Don’t get started on this again. I’ve heard it all before. Many times.”

“You need to here it until it gets through to you. I swear Arliss, sometimes I think you’d rather be like them than me.”

“Turn out like you? I think I’d rather not.”

“Well, if you don’t want to improve yourself, then I might not help you anymore.”

“Do you promise?”

“No. I can’t do that. It’s my duty to make sure you reach your potential. Unlike the rest of these people, you actually have some.”

“That makes me feel so much better.”

“It is nice to feel better than people, isn’t it?”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“It should have been.”

“We’re wasting too much time here with your confounded talk. Let’s get to the point here. What happened?”

“The rubbish men were talking with vile terms towards me.”

“Not that. The body that’s lying over there.”

“Oh that. A mere triviality. I only called you people to get rid of it. I wasn’t about to touch the thing. Imagine what that would do to me.”

“Where did it come from?”

“I don’t know, and I don’t really care all that much. Just get it out of here.”

“Be patient.”

“That’s easy for you to say. You’re time isn’t valuable.”

“Don’t make me punch you myself. There’s plenty of people waiting for the chance.

“Fine. Ask me your petty questions.”

“How did you discover the body?”

“The rubbish men were speaking to me in vile terms….”

“What did I tell you?”

“That’s how this story goes.”

“Fine. Continue.”

“They were speaking to me like that, and as they left, I noticed a large piece of rubbish that they didn’t take with them. I asked them to take it, and the one who insulted me informed me that it was a body. After they drove away, I went and looked, saw it was a body, and I called you people to get rid of it.”

“When was this?”

“It must have been ten to eight this morning. The men arrived three minutes late, and then two were spent exchanging barbs with me.”

“Thank you. That should be all we need from you. If we need anything else we’ll call you.”

“Please don’t. I don’t like associating myself in any manner with these street people.”

As I spoke these words, one of Arliss’ associate inspectors rushed up to him in a great furor. He was out of breath, and slightly red in the face. He braced himself on his knees as he spoke in short breathes.

“Sir…….the body…..it’s…..”

“It’s who? Spit it out.”

“It’s Jillian Brookes.”

“Are you sure? It can’t be.”

“Without a doubt sir. It’s her all right. I’ll bet my job on it.”

“Excuse me for interrupting, but who is this Miss Brookes of whom you speak?”

“You don’t know? She’s the hottest new star of the theater. Her run in ‘The King and his Follies’ has been a smash all this month.”

“Ahh. I have been away this past month. I was taking holiday in Paris. It’s at its most lovely this time of year. I couldn’t live with myself if I were to have missed out on it.”

“You missed out on an incredible performance. It would have been good enough to even meet your expectation.”

“I don’t know if I would say that, but I am saddened to have missed out on the opportunity. Do you know yet what killed her?”

“I most certainly do,” the young associate answered. “She was clearly stabbed through the heart.”

“The heart. Yes. That’s very interesting. I think I am beginning to see what happened to the young Miss. Permit me, if you will Arliss, to help you along with this case. I do hate to see culture robbed of a good artist. They are in such short supply these days.”

“I suppose I could do that. But try not to get on anyone’s nerves. This is going to be very public.”

“The public will love me. And if they don’t, I’ll make them.”



****



Arliss was sitting in one of the exquisite Victorian wing chairs that surrounded my great fireplace. There was no fire currently; it was too warm this time of the year to have one at this hour. We sat there, going over the few details that we had about the young Miss Brookes. She was a newcomer to the stage, and actress of remarkable quality, who had ascended to the top of the British line in a matter of weeks. Critics said that her performances were hypnotic enough to pull any man into her power. Beyond that, there was almost nothing known of the young woman. Unlike many of the stage performers, she led a very private life. There were no stories in the tabloids of her dating habits, and there was nothing that could be seen that would give anyone motive for murder.

Needing to find some answers, Arliss and I made a trip to her residence. It was not befitting of a gifted actress. It was a one room apartment, located in one of the lower ranking neighborhoods in London, and was more akin to a pig than a human. There were clothes thrown over chairs, on the floor, and there was even a pair of stockings hanging from a blade of the ceiling fan. I was disgusted, and refused to set foot inside. Arliss, having more in common with this environment than me, was more than willing to search the premises for me. He was inside for several minutes before the door reopened.

“What did you find in there?”

“Not much of note. There were only two things that seemed of importance; a revealing black dress laid out on the bed, and a message pad with a number on it. We tried the number, but it was only a bakery.”

“What about an address book, or something of that like?”

“Nothing like that.”

“There was no purse? All women have a purse somewhere in their house.”

“I didn’t see one. I looked over every inch of the place, and there was no purse there. You’re welcome to look for yourself.”

“Umm…I think I’ll have to decline that offer. I’ll trust your judgment.”

“There’s a first.”

“This doesn’t make sense.”

“What doesn’t? The purse?”

“Among other things. But I have an idea.”

“What’s that?”

“Just get in the car and drive. I’ll tell you when we’re there.”



****



We arrived shortly at the New Globe Theater. There hadn’t been a production there in the past two weeks, as the last run of ‘The King and his Follies’ had wrapped up then. The next run wasn’t scheduled to begin for another three months. It was the off season, and the building was abandoned for the time being.

“All right Casey. I give up. What are we doing here?”

“Since Miss Brookes didn’t have a purse with her, and didn’t have one in what passes for her apartment, it has to be somewhere.”

“What if whoever killed her took it?”

“Not likely. This killing had nothing to do with robbery.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“As I’ve told you before, I am supremely talented. I know all.”

“I guess. Let’s see if you’re right about this or not.”

“I am.” I said it matter of factly enough that he didn’t bother with further stupid questioning. He isn’t a bad person, or a stupid one, but he just never puts enough faith in me. For some reason or another, he has this idea that I’m limited by the methods of human knowledge. When will he learn?

We walked into the theater, and were immediately bombarded by a storm of dust and cobwebs. I began coughing uncontrollably, and turned back towards the door. I was wishing at this moment that I had put a gas mask in the car. It would have been a better alternative than to breathe this air, and pollute my lungs with filth. The rays of sunlight coming through the windows created diagonal paths of dust from the ceiling to the floor. I shuddered at the thought of having to spend time in this environment. The building may be unused at the moment, but that was no excuse for poor maintenance.

With the help of one of the custodial workers from the theater, we entered the dressing room that was occupied by Miss Brookes during the run of the show. It was the usual fare for the situation; four neutral colored walls, a long table with an illuminated mirror, and a Japanese screen to change behind. Nothing seemed to be out of place in the room, but it still didn’t seem quite right. A quick scouring of the scene produced a few drops of blood on the floor underneath the make-up table. The blood appeared to be fresh.

“I’ll bet you that the blood belongs to our friend Miss Brookes.”

“Casey, I don’t know how you did it, but you were right about this place. Look what I found in her trash can.”

It was a purse, red sequined with a slight rip in one side. It was empty, save for a tube of lipstick and a hip flask.

“There’s some blood on the surface. It’s probably hers too.”

“I’m sure it is. Well me friend, it seems like we have ourselves a murder scene.”

“I think you’re right.”



****



Back at Scotland Yard, the scientific inspectors were busy testing the blood that Arliss and I had found in the theater. They were running a few tests on it that would tell us what I already knew. They were unnecessary, but procedure said that they must be done. It was wasting my time. I could be catching the killer, and getting back to my life much faster if I was left to conduct the entire investigation on my own. These people were merely slowing me down.

“Have they gotten any results back yet?” I asked impatiently.

“The blood tests haven’t come back yet, but the autopsy results are back.”

“Any details I should know?”

“The cause of death is a stab wound to the heart, she had a blood alcohol level twice the legal limit, and there were traces of GHB in her system.”

“GHB?”

“Oh. It’s one of those party drugs. It’s the one called the ‘date rape’ drug.”

“I see. This is fitting nicely in with my theory.”

“Would you mind getting around to telling me about this theory of yours one of these days?”

“I’ll tell you when I tell everyone else; when I find the killer. Be patient. It won’t be too long now.”

“You’d better be right. The media are going to be on our asses when this story gets out. We can’t hold it back much longer.”

“You won’t have to.”

As we were talking, one of the acne riddled, mop headed lab rats came out from his cave to give us his news.

“The blood tests are done. Both samples you found match. They match the control sample you brought in this morning.”

“Thank you very much for nothing. I was aware of that fact before we brought them to you.”

“There’s no reason to be mean to the kid. He’s just doing his job.”

“I can’t help it if his job is meaningless. Really Arliss, you stick up for the meaningless far too often. It’s as though you want to be one of them. It’s really unflattering.” I turned to the lab rat, who was still standing at our feet. “Go on, you’re dismissed.”

“Yes sir,” he said meekly, as he should.

“As far as you go, we need to talk to Miss Brookes friends and family. Get me a list of them.”

“That’s impossible.”

“Why do you say that?”

“She has no family. She was an orphan. As far as friends, she really kept to herself at the theater. None of her cast mates talked to her much, and they know nothing about her personal life. And before you ask, her landlord doesn’t know anything about her either. We’re at a dead end as far as this goes.”

“I should have figured as much. Oh well. This will still be fairly easy to wrap up. If you would allow me, we need to see one person.”

“Who would that be?”

“You’ll see.”



****



We pulled up in front of Mario’s Restaurant, two blocks away from the New Globe Theater. It was one of those small Italian restaurants that were populated by people who either could afford, or didn’t want to pay for the better food of the places that I frequented. I could just imagine the cooks pulling marinara sauce out of jars, and using a microwave for preparing the meals. It was a place I would never be seen dead if it were not for the investigation that I was conducting.

“If you don’t mind me asking, what are we doing here?”

“It’s really quite simple if you think about it. She was a quiet girl who didn’t seem to have any sort of social life. So it would make sense that if she were to go out, it would be someplace near the path she normally traveled on. This place fits the bill perfectly.”

“How do you know she went out?”

“The purse. There was lipstick in there, and it was a fancy sequined model, indicating that she was dressed up when she carried it. That, plus the fresh blood, means that she was in the theater with the purse last night.”

“Good work Casey. Anything else you know that I don’t?”

“Plenty. Oh, you mean about the case.”

“Don’t start with me again.”

“My apologies. Yes. If I’m right, and I’m sure I am, than she went out to dinner last night. Judging by the flask in the purse, she got quite drunk at dinner, and was slipped one of those, what did you call it?”

“Date rape drugs.”

“Yes. She was slipped one of those date rape drugs. The man she was with brought her over to the theater, and proceeded to have his way.”

“And then he killed her when he was done, and dumped the body.”

“No. Once again you’re wrong. He did not kill her. She killed herself.”

“What? How could that be?”

“After her date had his way with her, she woke up. When she realized what had happened, she was overcome with grief, took the letter opener she had sitting on the table, and drove it into her heart.”

“Letter opener?”

“All actresses keep them on their tables. They, especially ones with talent like the one you described, get plenty of letters from admiring fans.”

“That’s nice, but it still doesn’t explain why we’re here. I don’t think the waiters would remember the man’s face.”

“They don’t have to. One of them is the man responsible.”

“You’d better be right about all of this, because right now you sound awfully crazy.”

“I assure you that it will all turn out as I said.”



****



We entered the establishment, and found our way to the manager’s office. It was an off hour, so the place was otherwise empty. The manager was a stocky fellow, balding, and fighting it by combing it over in ridiculous fashion. A bald head was nothing to be ashamed of, but making a spectacle of it with these bizarre maskings was.

“What can I do for you two gentlemen?”

“We need a list of your employees. Preferably the ones who were not working last night.”

“There was only one you wasn’t. He’s our newest waiter.”

“Can I have his name?”

“Of course you can. His name is Charles Shandway. But everyone calls him Upchuck.”

I almost fainted at the mentioning of that word. It was more vile than the actions that he had performed the night before. I wanted to put him in prison for that alone, but I knew I needed to get him on the suicide.



****



We got his address from his manager, and we were quickly at his apartment. It was another of those one room dumps that wasn’t fit for an animal. It reeked of stale beer and urine, and was too much for me. I had Arliss go in and retrieve the suspect. He was brought into the hall for questioning.

“We know you raped Jillian Brookes last night, and now she’s dead because of it. If you confess, you’ll get less time in jail. What do you have to say for yourself?” Arliss had a sense of grandeur about him, and I didn’t want to interrupt him. It would be more fun to correct him after he finished.

“I..I….I didn’t touch her. I swear.”

“I know you’re lying. Just tell me the truth.”

“I am.”

“Arliss, he is telling the truth.”

“But what about what you’ve been saying?”

“You’re the one who’s been assuming too much. He’s nothing more than a petty criminal.”

“What on Earth do you mean?”

“It’s simple when you can see as I can. I’ll tell you what happened.”

“It’s about time.”

“It is common knowledge that the casts of the play being produced at The New Globe frequently have their lunches at Mario’s, as it is nearby to the theater, and will not cause any delays to rehearsals. Miss Brookes must have known this young man here from one of her trips to the restaurant. The two of them made an arrangement to have a date last night. The two of them went out, she got drunk, and Mr. Shandway here slipped a drug into her drink. She was woozy, and you lead her to the theater, and into her dressing room. You wanted to qualm her inhibitions, but instead the drugs made her pass out. You couldn’t take advantage of a passed out woman, so you left, scared you would go to jail. When she awoke, she saw her surroundings, and assumed that you had proceeded. Not being able to live with that, she took her letter opener and stabbed herself through the heart. Immediately, she realized that she was mistaken, and left to search for help. Not being familiar with the surrounding areas, she thought of who she could turn to. My name, since it is in the news fairly often, must have come to her mind. She made her way towards my townhouse, and disposed of her bloodied dress in favor of a new, lower class frock. She passed out and died from her wounds before she could make it all the way to my door.”

“How do you know this?”

“No one wearing clothing like that would dare to come into my neighborhood unless they were in search of something, or someone. Also, after the body was removed from the sewer drain, I found one of my business cards lying in the garbage. From there, it was simple to piece together the case.”

“I’ll be damned if you didn’t do it to me again.”

“So I did my friend. So I did.”



****



Later that week, Arliss and I were sitting together in my drawing room, sipping some of the tea that Giles, my butler, had prepared for us. We were going over how he could be as short sighted as he was in regards to the Brookes case.

“You know Arliss. One of these days you’ll get one right.”

“Of course I will. I’ll solve your murder. Cause I’ll be the one you killed you.”

I knew this was supposed to be a joke, but it didn’t strike me as funny. It was more of a nuisance. I gave him a slight chuckle to make him feel better before returning to the discussion.

“You would have been able to solve this if you knew the proper methods of class distinction.”

“Not this again……”

“Yes, it is this again. It will continue to be this until you learn it. As I was saying…..”

The lecture was a long one, and I’m sure Arliss fell asleep at some point during the history of Rome, for he began to snore, quite loudly at that. I quit trying to educate the poor man for the day, and let him sleep. Besides, I had to enter the case into this book.

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