The Thrice Killed Man



The shadows were creeping along the floorboards, moving ever closer to the mirror before which I stood. The night was growing near, and with it the anticipation of society. The Prime Minister was holding his annual gala reception for reporters, dignitaries, and assorted guests of special rank. I was personally invited, as I had helped the Prime Minister keep his job in the midst of scandal three months previous. It wasn’t much of a case, but it had terrible consequences. The Prime Minister was being blackmailed by the German Premier to forge a new European order with Germany in a position equal to that of Britain. Naturally, no one other than the Germans wanted that to happen, and I was called in to investigate. It was a simple affair that I was able to discover the intelligence reports that the Prime Minister had referenced before Parliament. Schmidt, the German Premier, had initially reported the news of weapons programs to the Prime Minister, who in turn reported to Parliament the dangers that the country, and in turn the world, were in. As soon as the speech was concluded, Schmidt pulled back the information, accusing The Prime Minister of lying to the world in order to advance his own radical political agenda. The Prime Minister took quite a bit of heat from the press and the Houses before I was able to uncover where the original intelligence reports were hidden. The original reports did nothing to appease the backlash against the Prime Minister, since there was never any real news of any weapons programs. But, concealed with the reports were tapes of the conversations between Schmidt and the Prime Minister. Nixon had been felled with the same lack of foresight. The tapes proved the Prime Minister’s innocence to even the strictest skeptic. The Prime Minister, and Britain as a whole were saved from the black eye such claims would have left. Schmidt, on the other hand, was immediately impeached, removed from power, and sent to a military camp to be held indefinitely. It was a sad affair what the Germans will do for power, but history is filled with such cases. Power is the root of all evil. For with power comes corruption.



****



The bell rang, and I could hear Giles attend to my new visitor. I was busy adjusting the inoperable bow tie that I decided to wear to the gala that I was scheduled to attend.

“Sir, your friend Mr. Arliss is waiting in the drawing room. Shall you see him now?”

“In a moment, but first help me with this confounded noose.”

Giles was the perfect servant. He was well educated in the methods of order, and not much else. He didn’t have aspirations beyond doing his job to the best of his abilities. He was the perfect Aristotelian worker. There weren’t enough of his kind in the world any more. Everyone these days had dreams of grandeur. They would never be satisfied with doing a job well if it were not in the upper echelon of society. That was the problem with this new generation. They were setting themselves up to be unhappy. Shooting for the stars is only good if you have access to a rocket. For the commoner, keeping goals lower was the right decision. “It’s better to achieve a low goal than to fail to reach a high one,” I always said. Success is what life is measured on, not how far up the ladder you travel. Of course, I was one of the lucky ones. I had come from an aristocratic family, one where my particular skill could well be developed and put to good use. The power of deduction is of no use to the lower class. No one would ever believe any of the claims that would be made. No, it is better off to leave talent and ambition to those who can achieve. That’s what I thought at least. It seemed more and more with every year that there were fewer who agreed with me on this, the simplest of social theories. Content with the picture that I presented, I told Giles to announce my presence to my friend Arliss.

“Sir. Master Casey will accept you now.”

Arliss didn’t seem the least bit awed by my stature when I entered the room. It couldn’t have been that he was used to being in the state of such excellence, for he routinely spent his days in the lower ranks of Scotland Yard. It was odd, this, that I did nothing to alter his stoic face.

“I say Casey. This gala is going to be your downfall. Tonight you will finally meet people who will be of a higher breed than yourself. You had better bring a pillow with yourself for when you faint and hit the floor. Wouldn’t want to see that valuable brain of yours damaged by a piece of mahogany.”

“Still quite the joker I see. I guess you pick that up from the commoners down at the Yard. They do have quite the effect on the sensibilities if you’re exposed to them for too long. I feel sorry for you having to work with them. You could be so much better than you are. Not anywhere as great as I am, but better than you currently are at least.”

“Will you ever get over yourself? Gracious, I don’t see you for over a month, and you’re even more in love with yourself than you were before. When will you learn that this isn’t the 19th century anymore? Get with the times man.”

“I am with the times. I can’t help it if the rest of the world has these antiquated notions of equality, and potential, and whatnot. The lot of them are off their rockers if you ask me.”

“Well, no one asked you.”

“I’m beginning to wonder why I asked you to accompany me to this reception in the first place.”

“That’s easy. I’m your only friend. Everyone else wants to either punch you in the face every time they see you, or take a gun to your face. Down at the Yard we have a version of that board game Clue, and everyone imagines you’re the deceased. They figure out who the killer is, and then celebrate by buying them a pint.”

“How ingratiating. One of these days I should go down to the Yard and straighten these people out on proper methods of detection.”

“Don’t get too flustered. They don’t like you in the slightest, but not a one of them can say that you’re not the best at what it is you do.”

“It is satisfying. Some day, my boy, some day you’ll know what it’s like to be better than someone.”

“You don’t say.”

“You’re not ready for it yet. But you will be someday. If you were to accompany me more often than you do, I think it would do wonders for your disposition.”

“I think that if I were to accompany you more it would make the boys want to punch me instead of you. You have no choice but to be smug. I do.”

“You think too much about others. We must cure that. It does nothing for you. It’s terribly unflattering.”

“I mean not to interrupt your lesson on social classes, but if we don’t leave now, we’ll be late for the gala.”

“Oh. You’re quite right. We must leave now. It’s just that when I get talking about the lack of proper social stratification I seem to lose track of the time. It’s amazing how it just flies by.”

“Yes. And Orville and Wilbur Write are the ones flying it.”

“What’s that you say? I couldn’t make it out. You were mumbling a bit.”

“Pardon. I said that you’re quite right. The time does pass.”

Of course I’m right. It’s my job to be right. And besides, could anyone in my position be wrong?”

“I guess not.”

“See. You are learning.” I rang for Giles. “Would you mind bringing the car around front? We must be off now.”

“Yes sir.”

“And Giles..”

“Yes sir?”

Capitalize that S when you’re addressing me.”

“Yes Sir.”

I turned back to Arliss. “Giles is a good sort. The kind that you could be if you applied yourself a bit. He understands the way the world works.”

“The car’s here.”

“We shall leave this conversation for another time then. We are off.”

The night was clear, a refreshing change from the usual London nights. I was particularly pleased to see it clear tonight, as I wanted the PM and his other guests to see my car in its full splendor, and not shrouded in a cloak of dirt and grime. It was a magnificent vehicle, the kind that attracts the attention deserving of someone of my stature.

“It is the most impeccably built Bentley in existence. It was specially made for me by the company after the deal with the Prime Minister and Schmidt. I’m the only person on Earth with a car like this one. It’s fitting, considering I’m the only one with a gift like mine.”

“That you are,” Arliss replied. There was a bit of jadedness in his voice. I ignored it, as I didn’t want him to send me into a tizzy. Nothing was going to ruin this night. Tonight was the night I would take my rightful place atop the order of Britain.



****



We drove for about 15 minutes down the main London streets, weaving skillfully in and out of traffic, leaving heads turned in every direction. If we weren’t running late I would have driven more slowly so the people could have gotten a proper look at the magnificent vehicle, and its magnificent owner passing them by. Instead, we were forced to deny the commoners their chance to see greatness, and to see what they would never have. I always thought it was important for the commoners to see the playthings of the higher ups so that they could better appreciate the fact that they had anything at all. Arliss didn’t think it made any sense that way, but I insisted it did, and seeing as how I outrank him socially, I was right. It’s a sort of social sophistry I practice. Those above you are always more right than those below. It was a good thing for me that I was high up the totem pole, because if I weren’t, it would destroy the system. It wouldn’t be able to survive with someone as right as I am in the lower echelon.

The Prime Minister had arranged for the gala to be held at the Royal Club of London. As we pulled up through the iron gates, I looked with disapproval at the building. It had nice symmetry, but the building lacked any of the flare of proper architecture. It was rather plain, and it offended my senses. Besides this, it was painted in the most offensive hue of yellow imaginable.

“Good heavens. Would you look at that, Arliss? What a disgrace for me to be seen in such a setting as this.”

“I think you’re being a bit too critical. If it’s good enough for the Prime Minister, then surely it should be good enough for you.”

“Where did I go wrong in teaching you? It is not good enough for me. It may be good enough for the Prime Minister, but that is only good enough to be considered by me. You may forget, but I am the great Christopher Casey. Surely you can see that I am of a higher pedigree.”

“If you say so.”

“I dare say I do. And I say that you should be more careful in what you say. You know better about me than to say such things as I’m of the same level as the Prime Minister. If this were any other night, I wouldn’t even have the car stop at the door. No, but tonight is special. Tonight is when the entirety of Britain’s aristocracy get to see that archetype that they must all be shamed to live up to.”

“You do make such great sacrifices for the little people.”

“I know I do, Arliss. It’s one of the things that makes me above them.”



****



The chauffeur opened up the door, and out stepped Arliss first, and then myself. There was no one waiting outside for our arrival, and I was again offended. Knowing that someone of my stature was here, it was only logical that a welcoming committee of some sort would be in place. Surely there were five or ten people with no excuse but to greet me. This night was not going as well as I had hoped. It was supposed to be the greatest night of my life, and I’m getting offended at every turn.

The doorman to the building was a short, stocky fellow who looked as though he had partaken of one too many libations already, despite the fact that night had barely set in. He was precisely the type who wouldn’t come out to one’s car to save a servant the trouble of opening a door.

“G’day sir. You here for the gala?” he asked, slurring his words like a drunkard.

“Yes I am. But you should already know that.”

“Name please.”

“Name? What on Earth do you need to ask me that for? Surely you know who I am.”

“Name please, Sir.”

“Christopher Casey, the single greatest detective who ever lived.”

“Oh. Say, you better than that Sherlock Holmes? Those stories are great entertainment.”

“Can I go in now or not? I’m expected.”

“Yes Sir. Go right in.”

“Aren’t you going to announce me?”

“What for?”

“Oh never mind. You’re a hopeless case.”

Arliss leaned in and said something to the man that I couldn’t hear, but it broke both of them into laughter. It had to have come at my expense. I was fuming at the treatment that I had been receiving. The Prime Minister knew me well enough to know how I deserved to be treated. He would not get silence from me. He would hear no end to this. It was a travesty of justice for this to happen. It was the equivalent of Jesus’ crucifixion. And I for one was not about to be nailed to two cheap pieces of pine. Rosewood would have been more acceptable, but even then it wouldn’t be right. I deserve to be treated better than a king.

The ballroom was large, lighted well, and decorated in the hideous baroque fashion. It was another in a long line of offenses to my senses. I could see several of London’s higher ranking socialites, none of whom I wanted to have the misfortune of speaking with if I could avoid it. I politely asked one of the attendants carrying drinks where the Prime Minister was.

“Oh. I think he’s by the fondue pot, talking with Lord Miexner.”

“Did you say fondue?” There was more than a hint of contempt in my voice.

“Yes Sir. If you’re interested…”

“No.” I cut him off before he could offend me any further. “I’m not interested at all. In fact, do me a favor young man. Go over there and tell the Prime Minister that I’m here. Tell him that I do not wish to venture any further into this mess that he calls a gala, and that unless he’s having an epileptic fit, he is requested to come to this spot to converse. Do you understand?”

“Yes sir.”

“You know, Casey…..” Arliss looked like he had some compassion for this little suare. “This isn’t such a bad party. If you loosen up a little bit, you might have some real fun. Not that stuff that you think is fun. Let me show you how it’s done.”

“You’re more foolish now that before we met. I know perfectly well what fun is, and there is no chance of it making it past that doorman. Ahh, here comes the Prime Minister.”

“Casey you devil, you made it. How are you?”

“To be frank, I am not well. This building, this room, the company, and the presence of fondue do not sit well with me. I would have thought much better of you. But I’m afraid I was mistaken.”

“All that aside, it’s a good thing you’re here now. There’s been a bit of an incident.”

My ears perked up at this. “What sort of incident?”

“Well, one of my bodyguards, the one who serves as my double for public appearances, was killed.”

“That doesn’t sound to be of any importance. Why should I take any care of it?”

“Why? Because he was killed during this party. In this room. And it had to have been by someone still in this room.”

“I see. This does interest me. I could show a member of the British aristocracy that doesn’t belong with anyone but the common street dweller. I like this. Show me to the body.”



****



We walked through the crowd, brushing off cheerful “Hello’s” and other greetings. The crowd was even more unseemly than my initial scan had told. It was as though the PM was associating himself with the House of Commons more than the House of Lords. “Unacceptable,” I thought to myself.

“He’s in this office now.”

“You moved him?”

“Not quite. He moved himself.”

“I’ll bite. How did he achieve such a temporary resurrection?”

“There was no resurrection. He died right where you see him. But he was killed in the ballroom in front of all those people.”

“All right. How did he die?”

“That’s the interesting part. He was killed three times.”

“Don’t try to be funny.”

“I’m not. Listen here. We found traces of poison on his lips, arsenic I think. So he was killed that way.”

“Seems rather clear cut.”

“But it’s not. When we looked over the body to see if anything was missing, we found that he had been stabbed through the heart with a stiletto.”

“Strike two.”

“As well as that, there are clear marks of strangulation on his neck.”

“Strike three. He’s out. But, which of the three killed him?”

“We aren’t sure. We think it’s a combination of all three.”

“I think I know how it happened.”

“Really? You do?”

“Yes. But I need to look around and talk to some of the guests, repulsive as they might be, first. I need proof to back up my thinking.”

“If you can do this, it will save me from another scandal. It wouldn’t look good to have one of my bodyguards die at a party I’m holding full of well to do people. There shouldn’t be a criminal among them. But there’s three of them.”

“Correction. There’s only one.”

“What do you mean there’s only one? There’s three different methods of killing him that were used. Surely there was more than one person involved.”

“On the contrary. It is merely the work of one very good criminal. Good, but not good enough.”

“I would bet against you being right on this one if you were anyone but you.”

“At least you realize that I’m right.”



****

I took my leave of the Prime Minister, and returned to the party. I informed the remaining members of the Prime Minister’s security team that I was going to need to interview every person in attendance as a precautionary measure. But before I did, I desired to make an announcement of the situation, and my intentions to everyone in order that they wouldn’t let their imaginations get the better of them. I needed their stories straight. Any confusion would be lethal to catching the killer that was still in the room.

Like all of these not up to snuff establishments, this ballroom was equipped with one of those public address systems hooked up to speakers that ruined whatever symmetry the room may be able to carry. As opposed as I was to the nature of such things, it did make my job of informing the lot much less painstaking.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, if I may have your attention, I have some distressing news that must be known. Tonight, during this party, and right under your noses, a murder was committed. I know it’s quite shocking, but I assure you that the killer will not be able to get out of this building tonight without being caught. I guarantee it, or my name isn’t Christopher Casey, greatest detective in London and the world.”

A tall, elegant woman with dark blue eyes looked down at the pendant hanging gently from her neck before speaking up. “What has happened? Who has died?”

“Madame, I cannot say exactly what has happened. That would jeopardize the case. But I can tell you that a member of the Prime Minister’s security team has been murdered.”

“Were they trying to get to the Prime Minister?”

“I think, Madame, that you and I should conduct the first of the many interviews I must oversee tonight.”



****



The woman followed me into one of the small offices that branched off of the hallway leading from the ballroom into the rest of the building. The office was even worse than the ballroom, as the furniture was of a mission style, possibly the most offensive shape ever devised by humans. The large flat surfaces connected in perfectly angular arrangements resembling more the hull of a battleship than that of a chair. But what was I to do. I was in no position to complain. A change of venue was not a possibility at this time, and there were no reliable servants that could bring more fitting furnishings. I was stuck.

“Miss, I would like to start by inquiring as to exactly who you are. You were by far the most concerned of the crowd. Frankly, you were the only one concerned.”

“My name is Flatly. Marina Flatly.”

“Well, Miss Flatly, let me ask you something. How is it that you came to be invited to this reception?”

“I am an acquaintance of the Prime Minister. I roomed with his sister when she was at Oxford.”

“That doesn’t seem like a reason that would have you invited to this reception this year. Is that the only reason you’re here?”

“Of course it is. I don’t know what you’re insinuating…”

“Pardon me if I said something to offend you. I meant nothing by it. It merely appears to me that a story like yours would have ended long before tonight. The Prime Minister’s sister has been out of Oxford for several years.”

“We had struck up a friendship, since I accompanied Amy back to her home several times in the course of our friendship. It was not unusual for me to be around the Prime Minister. I took a holiday with them one year to Monaco.”

“That is a much closer relationship than you had expressed. I have only one other question for you. Did you know personally any of the PM’s bodyguards?”

“That’s an odd question for you to ask, but no, I did not know any of them. They all changed on a regular basis. Is that all that you need from me?”

“Yes it is. Thank you very much for your help.”

Miss Flatly rose, extended her hand, and after it was received she strode out of the room in a manner of impudence. I had struck a nerve with the young woman. The pieces were beginning to fall into place.



****



I proceeded to have words personally, or through Arliss with the remaining attendants of the party. They all had the same story. “I didn’t see anything.” “How could such a thing happen?” “Who did it?” We had learned nothing of use from them, and the crowd was growing restless. They wanted to leave the party, but I was in no position to allow that, as one of them was a criminal.

The last to be interviewed was the Prime Minister’s wife. She was an elegant woman who bore no resemblance to her age. But she was still not what one would classify as attractive. Her eyes were slightly narrow-set, and had not clarity in them.

“Madame, if I may ask, did you see anything of suspicion tonight?”

“No. I saw nothing. I was at my husband’s side at all times tonight.”

“Very well. There really isn’t anything else to be revealed from you. Except for one thing…”

“What would that be?”

“Could you describe the pendant necklace that you had stolen last month?”

“Of course. It was a Maltese cross with a diamond in the center and four sapphires in each of the spokes.”

“Is there any reason for the choice of stones?”

“Not that I know of. My birthstone is a garnet. Not a sapphire.”

“Thank you very much, Madame. I think the matter is resolved now.”

“If it is, you really are the best.”

“I am.”



****



“All right Arliss, you’ve heard everything that I have. What do you make of this situation?”

“I don’t know. It’s a doozy of a confuser. There were three people who must have had a grudge against the Prime Minister, and they each got to his double unaware of the others. They must have just mixed the two up.”

“But they surely would have seen that it wasn’t the Prime Minister when they got close enough to stab or strangle him.”

“I suppose. Say, what do you make of it?”

“You’re partly right with what you said. The killer was confused. But there was only one of them. That I am sure of.”

“Would you care to explain how it all occurred?”

“Surely. But first, will you have the Prime Minister’s wife and Miss Flatly brought here. You can send the rest of the guests home.”

“Will do.”

“Please use correct grammar and sentencing when speaking to me.”

“I’ll try to in the future.”

“It’s the least you can do.”



****



I sat on the corner of the mission desk, it’s misshapen top burrowing itself into my flesh. “Tomorrow,” I thought, “Tomorrow I will have a talk with this establishment. I will make sure they get rid of this inflammatory décor and install something more fitting of my class.”

Arliss broke the silence. “Well. Casey, will you please enlighten us as to what happened here tonight? I’m dying to know.” I shot him an angry glance, and before I could say anything he retracted. “Sorry about the pun. I didn’t intend it.” He let out a stifled laugh.

“If you’ll forgive my friend here, I’ll go into the details of what occurred tonight.”

“Please do,” insisted Miss Flatly.

“It’s really quite a simple affair. As I find all of these are. None are up to the level that would actually push me to think. But I digress. What we have here tonight is a case of simple mistaken identity. The killer mistook the Prime Minister’s body double for the real thing. The question is, who would be able to make such a mistake? From the range needed to strangle or stab him, the killer would have surely been able to see that the double was just that. The similarity is only good from afar. Up close, there is no mistaking the real Prime Minister.”

“What are you getting at,” chimed Arliss.

“My dear boy. Do you not see what I see?”

“Obviously not. I’m stumped.”

“I will uproot you then. I noticed when interviewing Miss Flatly that her pendant bore a striking resemblance to the one that was stolen from the Prime Minister last month.”

“My pendant!”

“Not necessarily. The pendant is Miss Flatly’s. It was bought for her by the Prime Minister. You had found it only by mistake. The PM had it stolen so that he could give it back to it’s rightful recipient without any questioning from you.”

“Well I never!”

“I’m sure that if I were to ask, I would find that Miss Flatly was born in September.”

“That’s right. I was. The thirteenth to be exact.”

“So the matter of the pendant is solved.”

“But Casey, what does this have to do with the murder?”

“Everything. For you see I noticed Miss Flatly talking to the Prime Minister’s wife earlier tonight, and the pendant was never questioned. I knew from the second I saw it what the pendant was. This struck me as odd. I made a note of it, and later, when she walked in to be interviewed, I noticed that your eyes have no clarity. I suspect that you have problems with cataracts. Am I correct?”

“Why, yes. I do,” replied the wife of the Prime Minister.

“You’re not saying….,” Arliss was barely able to get out.

“That is precisely what I am saying. It was the Prime Minister’s wife that killed the bodyguard, thinking that it was her own husband that she was expiring.”

“But why?”

“Simple jealousy. She was jealous of the fact the Prime Minister was having an affair with young Miss Flatly.”

“You’re damn right I was. I wasn’t going to sit by and watch my marriage dissolve because of some tramp.”

“I didn’t think you would, but I would hope that you were more careful than you proved. It is hard to kill a man when you can’t see him. See, your husband’s double was the agent assigned to protect you tonight, and you simply thought that when he came near, he was your husband. So, without verification, you slipped a drug into his drink. When he wasn’t dying fast enough, you went up to him and stabbed him. That still didn’t do the trick, so you pretended he was choking, and you strangled him. It wasn’t a bad plan, except that you got the wrong man.”

“Oh damn it all. How could I have screwed it up so badly?”

“That’s not all that you screwed up. The fact is that your husband is not having an affair with Miss Flatly.”

“What?!”

“When she says that they’re just friends, she means that.”

“But the pendant?”

“That’s a simple matter. It was a birthday present for the Prime Minister’s sister, Miss Flatly’s good friend. The Prime Minister had picked it up in Miss Flatly’s absence from London.”

“Oh dear lord.”

“I am sorry to see a once great woman taken down like this. It is most unfortunate. But it is of your own doing, so I feel no remorse. The green monster was able to snare another victim. If anything, you should be glad that you at least know that your husband is the good man you would have hoped. If you’re fortunate, you may see him again in twenty years.”



I undid the bow tie around my neck, and succumbed to the pressure of the night by undoing the top button on my shirt. The lamps were set dimly, casting an eerie monolith of shadows on my wall. They were more menacing than anything I could have expected to have found at the gala earlier in the night. It was a sad night, this one was. The nation was rocked by the scandal of a murder by the wife of our leader, and more importantly than that, I was deprived of another group who could have potentially matched me in the social standings. Once again I was alone on the summit. And this book that I write my life in is continuing to be consumed with filler. Maybe next time will be the masterpiece I hope for.

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